last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
