Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
