nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
