Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
