I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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