Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
