Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
