Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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