I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
