Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
