Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
