what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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