I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
