i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
