I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
