did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
