I bet he comes in French.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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