dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So many bounce houses so little time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
