well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
