Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
