The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
