My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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