I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Operation Purity has been aborted
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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