Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
