I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
