There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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