is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
