Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
