if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
