For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
