I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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