I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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