You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
