dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
