Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were destined to go to rehab together
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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