i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
