Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
