Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
