Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
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So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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