Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
