I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
