your parents love me but you hate me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
