I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
