then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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