It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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