Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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