she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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