Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
