Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
