you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
