Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
