yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
