She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
