i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
