Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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