is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
