i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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