Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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