Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
