I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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