Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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