I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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