fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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