she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
