Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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