Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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