I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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