I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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