I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
