im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
