That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
