Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
