i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
